by Nicole Johns (Seal Press)ISBN: 1580052746 [Also available in Kindle]
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"I like the physical release of purging. I don't know how to deal with feelings, and I don't want to deal with feelings." ~ PURGE page 245
Man, can I ever relate to these words. I've had very few books make such a huge impression on me that part of me is changed in some way once I close the covers. Nicole's is one of those books.
If you are someone living with an eating disorder, love someone living with one or just want to understand this condition better, this is definitely a book you need. But be aware: Nicole tells you like it is.
No fooling around.
No jargon.
No flowering things up.
No sunshine up your shorts.
And that's exactly how society needs to learn about this potentially deadly disorder.
Nicole had me from her powerful Prologue. In those few pages not only did she define eating disorders from the perspective of someone going through it, she raised awareness about the fact that not all of us who suffer with them fit neatly in to a nice little category of 'Anorexia', 'Bulemia' or 'Over Eater'.
You can have an eating disorder when you are a 'normal' weight.
You can have an eating disorder and not have the food be the underlying cause for the disorder.
You can have an eating disorder no matter your race, color, creed, religion, sex, sexual orientation, body size or anything else.
And it's about time someone is brave enough to enlighten the world on these points.
There are 61 chapters in PURGE. Each chapter is only a few pages long, focusing on one important part of being in rehabilitation for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). Nicole talks about everything in a blunt, shoot-from-the-hip manner but in a voice where we feel she's sitting right with us telling the story. I honestly feel this story can't be told in any other way.
She starts her journey just before she checks into the eating disorder facility. Believe me when I tell you we see the importance of this step and I applauded her for being brave enough to do it! We are taken through her initial admission to her 'weigh in' to the rules of the facility to her feelings about her roomies and more. Nothing is off-topic or 'taboo'.
The most powerful part of her journey to recovery is seeing how even when she understands the physical consequences for purging (eg: heart issues, digestive issues, etc.) she still feels a longing for that release. It's so much better than dealing with the underlying issue causing the urge to purge. I've been there.
I won't ruin it by sharing too much but Nicole is inspirational as she shows us that simply throwing food in front of a person with a serious eating issue and yelling at her (or him) to eat will NOT help things. In fact, that will only deepen the issue. We need to help these people get in touch with the root of what's causing their disorder whether it's anger, resentment, lack of control, abuse, or dysfunctional home life...we need to help them heal THOSE issues before the eating can be helped. Nicole shows us that in every chapter. (Her Epilogue focusing on her slowly getting better on her own while a close friend from the facility spirals even deeper into an eating disorder is one of the most important sections of this book.)
I was moved to tears many times in this book. Not just because of Nicole's emotionally-charged, raw writing style but also because I related at a very personal level to this book. I also lived with an eating disorder--for many years. One thing that saved me was my loving Godmother, and my awesome Uncle and Aunt, who helped me work through my issues from being raised in a dyfunctional family. The other was getting pregnant with Jaimie. From the moment I saw two bars in that test window, I never purged again. Nicole also had an inspiring experience that finally got her to stop too. But not every sufferer is as fortunate as we were.
PLEASE...read this book. Share it with every professional, therapist, library or doctor. If you have a daughter, son, mother, aunt, best friend, lover or other loved one you suspect (or know) is living with an eating disorder, don't ignore the signs. Get them help. NOW!!
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