Parent's Eyes: Sleep Suggestions For Your 'Sensational' Kids

This post is part of Best of the Best, Edition 8: Sleep Issues & Bedtime and Special Needs Kids. If you check the above link on about July 14, you'll find a whole host of similar articles by other authors.

Imagine for a moment how your body and mind feel when you haven't had a decent sleep the night before. Do you feel cranky? Irritable? Drained? You're probably a little more emotional than you usually are too. You may not be able to concentrate on a task at hand or have difficulty coordinating yourself to do the simplest thing. You may also seem clumsy, have no appetite, be more sensitive to sensory stimuli around you, feel overwhelmed more easily and, frankly, just not have the patience for anything: Little things seem huge; easy things are much more difficult; and even if you're normally an easy-going person you're set off much more quickly than usual.

Does all that sound familiar? I know I can check almost every one of these items off my list when I'm super tired. My mood, my body, my behavior and my overall functioning are all so much better the next day when I'm rested. When you think about how much a 'typical' person is affected from a lack of sleep, you can only imagine how much more so this can wreck havoc on a young person's brain and body who already lives with neurological conditions or a nervous system that doesn't function the way its supposed to.

Let's talk more about some of these struggles in our 'sensational' kids. I'll offer a few tips on what works with my own 'sensational' kiddos, Jaimie and Xander that you can try too. And, as always, I welcome your own suggestions on what works with your 'sensational' kiddos.
Believe me when I say I 'get' how awful it can be when your 'sensational' kids struggle with sleep issues. Until recently, Jaimie had never slept through the night. She also had nightfrights, walked in her sleep and would wake up in the middle of the night having trouble falling back to sleep. Xander has always needed to be held or be sleeping right beside or on someone--mostly me--in order to fall asleep. Once he's asleep, he usually stays asleep unless he rolls over to see he's alone then becomes terrifies and wakes up. Now, let's analyze this a bit deeper.

In addition to her sensory issues, Jaimie also lives with tremendous anxiety. It's gotten alot better through practicing our sensory exercises and games but it's still there. A big part of anxiety is worrying, stressing and the inability to shut the mind off. And because this is a condition that also affects the nervous system, it can magnify sensory sensitivities. Then, as in Jaimie's case, she worries about how things will affect her which increases her anxiety which amplifies her SPD symptoms, etc. Who the heck can fall asleep with all of that swimming around in your mind?

Among his many issues, Xander has very poor body awareness when he's overstimulated and/or tired. That means it takes alot of work to get him back down, calm and 'regulated'. That's why he needs to be near someone in order to fall asleep: he depends on someone else to regulate him rather than him doing it on his own. I figured out that he feels 'lost' in a space by himself but through OT, and alot of paying attention to his 'ups' and 'downs' I've figured out a routine that seems to help.

What I've learned is that getting ready for sleep is an all-day process. I know that sounds weird but it's true. You can't have a child who has been on the go all day long, whose body still wants to go or whose body hasn't moved enough, to settle down and rest when bedtime comes. The main thing we have to do is give their bodies the input they each need throughout the day when they need that input so that when bedtime comes, they'll (hopefully) be 'nourished' enough sensory-wise to feel good about going to bed. I'm still learning about what works for each of my kids because, as you all know, as our kids grow their needs change and so what we need to do to help them also changes. With the help of our Sensory Team, listening to what our kids are trying to tell us, and a LOT of trial and error, here are a few things that have helped Jaimie and Xander:

• Night time proprioception. I don't know about your kids but mine need alot of proprioception input through their days. Jaimie, particularly, responds well to weight...and alot of it. Among other things, it helps her feel connected with her world, it helps with her 'tippy toe' walking, and it calms her. Xander also responds well to weight. Giving that extra weight in the winter is great with heavier blankets or a specialty weighted blanket* (see notes below on weighted items). In the summer, you can have a few stuffies with weights in them or even just the pressure of having them near your child. Our kids all have Pillow Pets and Jaimie and Xander's are 'tweaked' to add some weight in them if they need it. Jaimie also has a a little guy she calls Lamby that has a rice bag inside of him that heats up. Not only does that give her proprioception (with weight) but also tactile (he's soft, fluffy and the warmth gives extra input) and he smells like vanilla. Experiment in these areas until you find something that works for your child's specific needs.
• Night time auditory. Jaimie, more than Xander, has an auditory issue where even the slightest noise wakes her up (not to mention a younger sister who snores from the top bunk!) She has her favorite noise-reduction headphones which usually helps with this. You can also try soft music, nature sounds CD, a fan or some other item to give some white noise your child can focus on and block out the other distracting noises.
• Deal with worries or anxiety earlier. After school, I usually have a check in time with Jaimie. It can take a long time for her to process things that have happened during her day and an even longer time before she'll talk about things that bother her. But by asking questions about her day, getting her talking, she'll let things come out. It's important, especially for kids dealing with anxiety, to get these worries out early so she doesn't think about them when her brain is supposed to be recharging. When Jaimie's day is really stressful or she hasn't had enough input, that's when she has nightfrights or sleep walks. We talk about things that bother her or she writes things down or we give names for the emotions she feels...all of these things help.
• Bedtime routine. However you set it up, make sure it stays consistant. Ours is having quiet play time or Braindance after supper, a light snack, bath/shower (Jaimie just started having showers this year and LOVES them. The water falling on her body feels like a mini-massage!), stories, deep pressure massage, then tuck-in time by 8:00. All kids crave routine and it's essential for our 'sensational' kids. Even when we have company, our bedtime ritual never changes. It's the one time of day our kids can depend on to stay the same.
• Bedtime Environment. What does the room need to be like for your child to feel comfortable? Think about lighting, temperature, texture, noise level...all the things you'd need to feel comfortable. Xander doesn't like loose-fitting jammies. He tends to feel 'lost' in them and gets upset. Jaimie, on the other hand, likes tighter fitting jammies or shorts and a favorite t-shirt. Be in tuned with what your child's body need to feel comfy (whether tight, loose, fluffy, smooth clothing). Temperature in the room is so important too. Most of us sleep better with a cooler room. Have a night light if she doesn't like it too dark. We have Jaimie and Xander give ideas to what they need to make their beds a happier place.
• A happy bed. Another thing we didn't realize until we started OT was that both Jaimie and Xander both have poor body awareness. Well, we knew we just didn't know there was a word for it. Jaimie didn't want to give up her toddler bed because she liked how small it was. It wasn't until we got the bunkbeds last year she became interested in a bigger bed but she had alot of trouble sleeping initally. The new bed is a double mattress--three times the size of her toddler--her body felt 'lost' in such a big bed! We tried different things but what finally worked was putting body pillows beside her. She doesn't seem to need those anymore and is okay with her big stuffies against her back while snuggling her Pillow Pet. We're still working on Xander but he also needs to have things on either side of him to feel comfortable. Try different things: line up bigger stuffies, use regular pillows, roll up big bath towels or, as a really SPD knowledgable friend of mine suggested, pool noodles! Try different things until you can see that relaxation on her face when she gets all snuggled in.

On the anxiety side of things, we've had a few extra things to do with Jaimie as she will wake up, and stay awake, because she's frightened, worried, stressed or angry. In addition to getting her talk about things earlier in the day, we also have her do:

• Journalling (I can't count how many books she's filled up! But writing is her strong suit so we work with that in helping her ease her anxiety.) If your child isn't strong with writing, have him use a tape recorder to speak into or have him draw pictures or whatever is his stronger communication tool.
• Deep breathing. Jaimie's psychologist taught her some wonderful deep breathing and a kind of self-imaging exercises (that's when you visualize a happy, calm place to ease current anxiety) to try for when she wakes up frightened.
• Using her nighttime fidget box. Jaimie has various boxes filled with things for different situations. Her bedtime one has things she can rub, stretch and smell because she finds comfort in these forms of input. So, things like stress stones, stretchy guys or hair scrunches, fuzzy/fluffy pieces of material, different scented stickers or fidgets, etc.
• Using her mini-flashlight when she needs extra light to shine around. When she's had a nightfright or nightmare, this helps her ease her mind and remind her where she is. (Night frights can be terrifying for everyone, believe me.)

The great thing about these last few points is that they've helped teach Jaimie to self-regulate. And that's the end goal for everything we're doing for our kids. Teaching them what they need and why teaches them not only to be more in tuned with their bodies but truly 'get' why they need to be doing these things. Xander needs a bit more work before he'll be on that path but things are moving in that direction.

So, that's our story and what we're doing right now. Things will change as my kids' needs do. But we're still forging ahead on our 'sensational' journey as best as we can, learning what our kids try teaching us. Feel free to share your own tips or suggestions. After all, we're all in this together!